Don’t worry, the dark loom of exams won’t last too long. If you’re here expecting a listicle that’s going to tell you the benefits of bath bombs, tea, and reading books, you’re in the wrong place. Here are some different ways to chill out after the hellscape that are exams.
This one is a no-brainer. Dogs are one of the few good and pure things left on this planet. They’re simply fluffy bundles of love, enthusiasm, and cuteness. Find a dog and cuddle them. If you don’t own a dog, break into a neighbour’s house for some sweet doggo cuddles. If you’re not a fan of illegal activities, maybe ask permission first. Strategically making friends with someone who owns a dog is also a good idea – you’ll have access to a dog and seem sociable at the same time. Another option is to lurk outside the library in the mornings and catch dogs on their morning walks. Strike with pats and belly rubs when the dog and owner come near (with consent, of course). This is an excellent course of action when trekking back to the cesspool of despair and broken dreams that is the library during exam season.
- Burn After Reading
Compile all of your exam notes, papers, and maybe even pens and hurl them in a fire. Rejoice in the cathartic feeling of gender theory (or whatever is your course’s poison of choice) going up in flames (and the gender binary along with it). Give Dante his inferno that’s he’s been wanking on about. This method will also provide you with warmth in the sub-zero temperatures that most student accommodation in Maynooth is known for.
Note: This is almost definitely bad for the environment, so proceed with caution if you want to continue to breathe semi-oxygenated air by the year 2020.
- Get Your Séance On
Channel some dark spirits and make some demon pals to be on your side during these exams. Perhaps you’ll get the coveted opportunity to sell your soul to a dark under lord in exchange for doing well in your exams. Call upon invigilators past and politely ask them to make invigilators present to not be quite so violent when raiding pencil cases in the exam halls. Y’know, in the spirit of goodwill on earth after Christmas and all.
- Scream into the Void
Just go into one of the many tree-dense areas on South Campus and scream until you lose your voice. You won’t need it after these exams anyway.
- Go for a Run
Strap on some runners and a warm hoodie, step out of your front door, and start running. Keep running. Don’t stop running. Keep running until the world is black around you and you’re seeing flames and inhuman hands are desperately grabbing at your ankles. Run so far that you run out of this dimension and can no longer remember that you possess a corporeal form. That’ll put your exams far behind you.
There you have it. Some Maynooth-specific tips to put your exams behind you, no meditation required. Look after yourselves now.