Maynooth Christmas Day: A Survival Guide

Ah, Maynooth Christmas Day. A most special time of year, a most intimidating time of year, it’s a highlight of many Maynooth students’ calendars. A day long period of drinking, with scaldy gaffe seshes, the SU being done up for Christmas and a chance to see many of the well-known figures on campus getting hammered. Yet this is no ordinary session you can rock up to with a few cans in your bag and half a pouch of Amber Leaf, this must be undertaken in a strategic manner, and this article aims to help you do so.

1: Make sure you know what your obligations are that day and the next day.

This should really be common sense, once the date’s announced, a week before just take a look at your calendar. Are you in work that day or in too early the next day to be completely destroyed? Is there a presentation on at 9am worth 20% of your module code? If so, work around these obstacles, so you can still have a good time but don’t inadvertently ruin things down the line. There’s no point seshing hard if you’re not gonna sesh smart.

2: Sort the drink out in advance

Staples of a cash strapped student looking to go mad, such as Galahad, 2 litre bottles of Cullens cider, Baron St Jean 4€ wine and that architect of regret, Tamova, tend to sell out quickly in the run up to this monumental day. Sure, the midday can run usually goes ok on normal nights, but when there’s a good chance the stuff you want will be gone or the retailer is deciding not to sell alcohol to avoid contributing to any anti-social behaviour that occurs on this day, you’ll be out of luck. Just suss out what you want and do a shop over the weekend if possible.

3: Accommodation

Are you a commuter looking to enjoy the festivities? Do you want to run for the last bus or train heavily drunk, potentially missing it and having to wait in the 24 hour McDonalds til daylight or first bus home where you can recover in peace? Doesn’t sound appealing, does it? Chat to your friends, try and sort out crashing somewhere.

4: Breakfast

Cans on an empty stomach is a recipe for getting sick around midday and feeling too horrible to enjoy yourself. Get a big dirty breakfast into you before leaving the gaffe to take your day on, bitta toast, something fried or fruity, bitta coffee, maybe put a splash of Buckfast in the coffee if you really wanna live on the wild side.

4: Scaldy Selfies

If you want physical evidence you survived Maynooth Christmas Day and appreciate a fair few likes, a scaldy selfie is a must. Don’t stick to the traditional pose of holding a can in your best polo shirt with your pal, arms out for all the wans, go the extra mile. Take a swig of a can by a known location, make a pointlessly obnoxious pose, put a load of weird filters on your pic so it looks like the cover of Loveless.

5: The Homies

You’re gonna need a good bunch with you to survive this day. Your ride or dies, your day ones, trustworthy folk. People who know how to have the craic but who also have enough sense not to snort random things off tables with weird blokes who do Compute Science. People who won’t leave you completely stranded at a grim house party in Kingsbury ten minutes before the guards show up. Get a good circle around you, and look out for them, just as they’ll look out for you. A lot of suspect stuff can happen on a regular night out, much less one featuring as large a proportion of the student population having been drinking for most of the day. Make sure ye’ve all got each other’s numbers and have a place to stay, keep an eye on them if they get too drunk.

6: Pace Yourself, Stay Safe

This day is a marathon, not a sprint. If you decide to start drinking quite early in the day, don’t go for the hard spirits, that’s just gonna make for a messy and miserable experience. Keep it to a nice regular pace for most of the day, make sure to get a bit of food into you at some point as well. Water is also an important thing, alcohol will dehydrate you and dehydration is no craic. Make sure you have any medication you might need with you, if you can’t drink due to something you’ve gotta take like an anti-biotic…just don’t do it pal, it’s gonna end badly. On the issue of substances, I wouldn’t be promoting or endorsing their use but for those of you reading this who are going to use them regardless of what I might say, please for the love of God know what you’re doing before you do anything. On a day when emergency services may be stretched thin, you don’t want anything bad to happen to you besides maybe the customary morning hangover.

7: Have Fun

Maynooth Christmas Day comes but once a year after all.