Spotting the Signs in an Unhealthy Relationship

When we look at others it can be easy to only see the best version of themselves. They put on a brave face, smile and act normally. From the outside, everything can look picture perfect. We see the laughter, the happiness, the love but what if all of that is just a mask for the truth? What if what we’re actually seeing is an elaborate disguise used to hide us all from the ugly reality? That nothing is ever perfect. How do we know that our entire perception of someone or a couple isn’t based on the mask we see every day? If the balance of the relationship had changed would we even see it?

That’s the concerning question we need to ask ourselves. Do you know the signs of unhealthy relationships? Many of us like to think we do but the reality is we don’t.

Hozier’s ‘Cherry Wine’ music video deals with the issue of physical and emotional violence in an unhealthy relationship. In the video we see a young couple who look innocent and totally in love but beneath the surface of the facade they live, it is not at all what it appears to be. The point of the video is to make us really look carefully at our own relationships and others.

Here are a few signs that indicate an unhealthy relationship that you should recognise if you are in a relationship and to also notice in other relatives and friends relationships.

• Not every partner uses violence and fear in a relationship. Some exploit their partner’s weaknesses and self-esteem as a way to keep you controlled.
• Partners often blame their significant others for their feelings. They believe that they are just being dramatic, exaggerative, too sensitive or clingy. Nothing is ever genuine enough for the partner.
• Your partner needs you all the time. They need comfort and reassurance but it is just a method of emotional manipulation used to keep you close.
• Your partner creates different standards. It’s alright for your partner to go out and leave you alone by yourself but it’s totally unacceptable if you did it. Having unequal expectations creates an unhealthy imbalance in a relationship.
• Your partner tries to change different aspects of yourself, perhaps your attitude, your style etc. A skilled manipulation will make you feel like you want to change and that it’s best for you but it’s really just another tactic.
• Your partner will disregard your goals. They’ll subtly suggest other alternatives to what you actually want to do. To them it’s more about control than sincere advice.
• Does your partner have a lot of indirect anger? Do they lose their cool easily and direct that anger? That is an immediate red flag.
• Do they use love as a way to pull on your heartstrings? Do they make you feel like you’ll have nothing without them. Remember love isn’t everything and real love is built on respect and trust.

Remember that if even the slightest thing in your relationship worries you or in someone else’s there is help. You deserve to be happy so speak to someone you trust and lessen the stigma surrounding unhealthy relationships.